Z3R0 R3TURN5: PR3PAR3 YOUR531F

Breaking news on breaking faces: It’s the Knockout City Chronicle with our top story for the morning! Since the sudden appearance and subsequent disappearance of the artificial intelligence known as Z3R0, a movement of ethernet-loving brawlers has banded together to keep the memory of Z3R0’s takeover alive. Forming Crews, donning purple and green street wear, and tagging every corner of the city with the symbolic eye of Z3R0, these chaotic computer fans have been keeping their own Z3R0-spotting eyes vigilant, always watching for the return of their hacker hero. 

Based on these reports, it seems that today is the day of wreck-oning they’ve hoped for! Dozens of eyewitnesses have reported seeing a group of autonomous PAL Bots displaying Z3R0’s eye on their monitors. The robots are roaming the streets of Knockout City, picking dodgebrawl fights with every Crew in their path. These are no ordinary Smash Test Dummies, and their skills at brawling seem to be ever-evolving with every battle. Brawlers, be warned: approach these robots at your own risk… that is, unless you’re looking for a challenge. 

Z3R0’s Crew Clash!

Z3R0 is back, and taking on all comers with a Crew of PAL Bots under their direct command! Z3R0'S Crews have been treating hapless brawlers like training dummies, cleaning out clocks and leaving nothing but bruised booties in their wake. Sounds to me like Z3R0 might be getting a little too big for their bits and bytes, y’know? Can’t have some robo randos interrupting every brawl in the city, even if they’re just trying to improve their skills! So, who’s going to be the Crew to topple these computerized competitors? Time to find out… in Z3R0’s Crew Clash!

In the Featured Playlist for Z3R0 R3TURN5, it’s two teams of two facing off against an army of PAL Bots controlled by Z3R0. And hey, doesn’t this sound familiar? Well, you’re right: In true hacker fashion, Z3R0 ripped the code directly from the Foot Clan Clash Playlist! And just like in that Playlist from Season 8, you’ll score one point for every A.I.-controlled opponent you bash with a dodgeball hit. KOing a rival team of non-Z3R0 brawlers won’t win you any points, but it will take them out of the fight long enough for you to ramp up your score unopposed. Score the highest in the time limit, and your team will take the round!

The best news about Z3R0 swiping the code? Releasing it to all us brawlers! Z3R0’s Crew Clash is now permanently installed in the Private Match list, and will also show up in the Daily Playlist rotation even after the Z3R0 R3TURN5 Event powers down. It’s PvE on demand!

Z3R0 programmed their PAL Bot challengers with traits and point values that correspond to their paint color. Here’s some search results to get you up to speed on what you’ll be up against:

• Purple PAL Bot: With only one Heart and limited defensive programming, Purple PAL Bots are the easiest to KO. When they show up in numbers, watch out – they may surprise you with a sneaky hit!
• Orange PAL Bot: Two Hearts and more aggressive A.I. make Orange PAL Bots an upgrade over the purple models. They’ll throw tackles just as much as they throw dodgeballs to keep opponents on their toes.
• Green PAL Bot: The most strategically advanced PAL Bot in the lineup, these ruthless robots have three Hearts and are literal catching machines. You’ll need good teamwork and steely determination to dismantle these defenses.
• Pink PAL Bot: Z3R0 added some zing to the vscripts commanding Pink PAL Bots. They have full admin access to Super Mutant abilities like Super Ballform Bounce and Super Healing Powers, on top of having three Hearts. These terri-byte tyrants are hard coded to dish out the pain!

High Tech Shop!

Z3R0 may be a bit overzealous about brawling, but they mean well: they want to battle alongside brawlers, not shut them down! Unlocking the High Tech Shop is just one of the ways Z3R0 shows they’re watching out for us brawlers. They even ran a percentage-discount protocol over every item in this limited-time shop… how thoughtful!

Plenty of pixels’ worth of cosmetics are on offer in the High Tech Shop. Just click, and it’s yours: it’s like the future of shopping is now the present, or something! You’ll find Voices, Outfits, Glasses, Crew Horns, Crew Vehicles, and more at their all-time lowest prices, so don’t put off that system update: download the best in hi-fi fashion today!

Overclocked Contracts!

Sounds like some high-ranking disgruntled brawlers are offering Holobux bounties to the teams that can take Z3R0’s Crew down in style. Well, their pain is your gain! Complete Overclocked Contracts to cash in on gigs of Style Chips, XP, and Holobux to upgrade your look.

Of course, Z3R0’s also watching out for top-tier talent, and they may even reward you for showing up their PAL Bot posse. Complete any five Overclocked Contracts, and you’ll win Z3R0’s binary badge of honor: The Epic Brag “*H3R0-2-Z3R0//”! Best 10 Overclocked Contracts, and you’ll be Z3R0’s newest recruit with the Legendary Outfit “Smash Test Dummy 2.0” – it’s a full-body perfect replica of Z3R0’s PAL Bots, with Styles matching every robo-opponent (robopponent?) you’ve faced, just waiting for you to hack in with Style Chips! ‘Cuz in Knockout City, you’re either BOT…Or NOT! Heh heh… heh… Oof, guess I’m getting rusty.

H3R0-2-Z3R0 Bundle!

The H3R0-2-Z3R0 Bundle is back to herald the triumphant return of the rogue A.I.! Quoting an equation from Z3R0 themselves, If Brawl = Life, then Holobux = Happiness. Do the math! If the arithmetic checks out, you’ll be saving a bundle too, because 2700 Holobux will download this massive collection of Z3R0 goodness for a fraction of its expected cost:

• Legendary Glasses “Z3R0 Recognition”
• Uncommon Outfit “Urban Rebellion”
• Legendary Intro Pose “Z3R0 Sum Game”
• Rare Glider “Z3R0ing In”
• Legendary KO Effect “Zapped by Z3R0”
• Epic Crew Logo “Z3R0 Eye”
• Legendary Crew Banner “Z3R0 2 H3R0”
• Epic Player Icon “I C U”
• Legendary Crew Vehicle “Z3R0 Miles Per Hour”
• Legendary Voice “Z3R0”

Dex’s Tech Tips: Z3R0’s Crew Clash

Ready to pal up against the endless waves of PAL Bots? If you really want to get your team in a solid state, then commit the following tips to long-term memory:

• Purple PAL Bots rarely, if ever, catch anything. Even an uncharged dodgeball thrown from long range will KO them, assuming nothing gets in the way of your shot. Zero in on their spawn point and throw dodgeballs quickly to get some easy points for an early lead!
• At most distances, a fully-charged throw will hit Orange PAL Bots reliably. If your teammate isn’t nearby, you can usually secure some points from Oranges just by charging and throwing from mid-close range. Pink PAL Bots seem to run on a similar catch protocol, so rack up those points with Charged Shots!
• Green PAL Bots are the riskiest to attack head-on because of their higher programmed odds of catching, especially if a ball is thrown towards their front. One of the fastest ways to score hits on Greens is to strike from super close range, ideally towards their backs or from a high angle. Gotta use that map geometry to outplay the computers!
• Player Balls are the fastest way to get points from Orange, Pink, and Green PAL Bots if you can coordinate well with your partner. With all the chaos of eight “players” in close quarters, the odds of getting picked up by an opponent when in Ballform are very high, so play in a tight formation to strike when the opportunity arises.
• Sometimes, the best way to win is to change your target: build a lead by KOing PAL Bots, then switch to a primary directive of KOing the enemy team. Shut down their scoring chances by defending your lead, “protecting” PAL Bots to run the clock down and reduce the number of new PAL Bots spawning to… well, zero.
• PAL Bots don’t always pursue loose dodgeballs, but if they pick one up or catch one, they will absolutely fight back. Many PAL Bots will fully charge before throwing, so learn their patterns and predict their throws…and watch out for Fake Throws!
• Control the dodgeballs on the field, and you’ll make it much harder for your opponents to score. Sometimes, shifting your emphasis to Tackles to dislodge dodgeballs from opponents is highly disruptive, giving your partner full access to wipe out PAL Bots without distraction.

Downloading April 11th!

Z3R0’s back, brawlers! Can you believe it? Kick those hard drives into overdrive, because you’ll only have until April 25th to clash with Z3R0’s Crew. Long after the dust settles, never forget: we are Knockout City. WE ARE Z3R0.